Dreaming

Feeling Frustrated Again...

I dont know why, I just feel frustrated today...probably have to examine my feelings sometime soon. We will see...it will pass, I know, and I will be glad when it does so.

Today promised to be a good day... Reb and I made plans to meet for lunch at Chevy's and I was looking quite forward to it...however, one thing led to another...and I was late meeting her, I think, about 15 minutes late. I know I am essential at work, but I do need a break once in a while...and I mean it! I do not often take breaks from work, since it is pretty much non-stop and I have a lot of paperwork to get through and time reports every day...UGH.

And I can feel my frustration...my pants have been tight around the waist on and off during this past week. It also shows in my food journal, where I have not been making wise food choices...for example, I had a chocolate bar. I could have done without it, and I would have saved maybe a couple points...but no, I had to have it.

Oh well. I gotta pick myself up and keep on going, think positively that tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow Reb's parents will come and work on the basement stairs again - I will leave around 1130 am to go pick up Lynne and then Lisa and go to a 10-10-10 workshop at Nora's for StampinUP! That is one that I really enjoy - I just love stamping and I love being around good friends, talking and laughing while being creative. Then, drop off Lynne and go on to my parents' home to pick up some things and the wall hanging for the living room. Onward to home, where we will meet up with Reb and Leon, my longtime friend and "brother," and head on to Columbia, MO. Larry and Karole will meet us there to pick up some papers for MAAD and to sign up Leon for the GKCAD basketball team. Hopefully, we can all have dinner then.

Sunday will be a stay-home sort of day... I hope to have 10 birthday and 10 Xmas cards done that day, and also the laundry. I plan to do the ironing Sunday night after dinner and chat with Reb in the living room, and the TV set will be on for Cold Case, Law & Order and Crossing Jordan. I do treasure these times as our precious times alone, with the cats in various locations...just peaceful and quiet, content as a couple should be.

Now back to today...I guess I gotta face it. It didn't get much better the rest of the day, although I was happy to finally hear from another old friend, Kiki, which I lost contact with several years ago. We had a nice chat - hopefully more in the future.

I was late leaving work for the weekend, because of more paperwork from my boss...*sigh*...my work never ends. I finally arrived at the Dodge dealer, picked up the papers and handed over my keys for the cleaning and detail work. I waited and read, waited and read, waited and read... and realized that time was still marching on without my car showing up spanking clean and bright...as expected. I had to ask about what was going on, and finally I got my car back...not yet clean, still the same. The shop guy did tell me that when I bring Gift in for its first oil change, they will do a complete detail job. He told me to go ahead and put down the floor mats to protect the rug underneath. That was one thing that had me a bit worried. So now I gotta wait...poor Gift.

The other thing that gets my goat is MetLife. I am still waiting to hear about the settlement from them - they have already accepted liability and were "waiting" on the police report, which I do not believe at all. I do have the letter, though. It will help me if it comes to it. I just want it OVER. I will miss the old Toy, but nothing I can do about it...I did plan on keeping it for two more years, and shopping around for a new car...in other words, taking my time. Now all I want to do is get my stuff out of Toy, take the license plates off and take a couple pictures ... then sign over the title and say good bye to Toy.

I do know I said something earlier on my daily email, that I needed to take control of my eating habits and do a better job on food shopping - that I needed to start shopping more on the outside such as produce, dairy, meats...and less on the aisles. It's gonna be hard, but if I start going to Whole Foods and Wild Oats, it should get easier as time goes by.

Reb is finally home from work... and PeeWee has decided to jump off the bed and go hunting...in her own way. The other cats are around, of course.

I guess I got some things off my chest for now...I'll go ahead and say good night, have a good weekend and think positive. Smiles!

posted by Missy @ 10:02 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Rushed

Gotta make this quick -

I have physical therapy at 4 pm and I have to leave at 345 pm...thank goodness its not far from work. Im hoping they will give me a release so I can go back to Curves...I really, really do need to exercise!!!

Anyhoo, I did lose one pound...feel better about not messing up completely after that weekend...wow, what total indulgence it was!!!

Hoping to finish my last two January swap projects tonight - I refuse to answer the door or phone tonight!!! PERIOD!!!

Tomorrow is Friday...yay!!!

Smackies!

posted by Missy @ 3:37 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Oops ... A Little Behind on Blogging

Just checked - oops. Im a few days behind - it has been so busy all this whole time!!

Last Friday was nearly panic mode time...I had to go to Lowe's to get the tables and then to Dierbergs for the food - was able to get most of everything. Got the food inside the house, and then realized I forgot some foods!!! Especially dessert!!! At least I got the meat prepared.

Saturday - Reb and I went to Schnucks and got the dessert and some other foods that we needed at home, and then back home when I started cooking the meat and Reb helped me prepare the vegetables and fruits for dinner. It was such a nice, pleasant time with her - I do feel priviledged to have her in my life.

Got the tables ready, and the house was tidy...just in time for the party to begin. We had good friends from our Rainbow Society of the Deaf over, and also two people that were interested in meeting good people and having a good dinner and chats... We had Larry Shipp and his partner, Tom Ybarmea; our friend and President, Tom Houser, and my old roommate, Leon Baker and his girlfriend, Lisa Dube. We chatted and chatted, and then later on, Thomas and Stephanie Russell came over for a short time with their daughter, Erin.

I do really enjoy watching Erin grow up, she's gonna be a heartbreaker just like her mammy!

We were sorry some other people were not able to come, and hope they will be able to come at a future time.

It was such a relaxing party, very enjoyable. After everyone left, I finished off the dishes and put away what foodstuff was left - I had given about half of everything to Leon and Lisa to take home - we don't need THAT much food!

Sunday - Reb went to her parents' home and I went on to Jenifer Benner's home for a Stampin' UP open house - made two cards and talked with Jenifer and another good friend, Chrystal Kelso - it was their break from their kids too - smiles. Finally got home, and decided to go out to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. Chatted with Reb until past 8 p.m....oops. NOT.

Monday - BUSY!!! Just so much to do - so much work to do and not enough time to do it all in.

I'm a wee bit worried about tomorrow's weigh in at Weight Watchers - I hope I manage to remain at the same weight or at least lose a pound or two. I overate the last three days...*sigh* but getting my eating habits back under control now.

I miss my Sidekick II - had to send it off yesterday for repairs. The jump button is just not working anymore and I need it for some of the applications. BBLLPPTTHH.

I'm hoping to have the last four swaps done tonight and tomorrow night - I really need to get them ready for mailing before this Friday and I want to get started on the next swaps and card projects as soon as possible.

We are trying to get the scanner/printer set up and just found out that the computer we are using has only one USB port, so we need to get another monitor for my Gateway tower - so that we can get the printer up and running. That will probably be on the telephone line unless we can get it hooked up on the cable line - I will ask a friend of mine if that is possible. We also need to upgrade Reb's Dell tower with more memory and clean out some applications, too, and then transfer the GLBTdeaf.com forum to it. I plan on taking my PB tower to KC to loan to a friend of mine, whose computer is breaking down badly. She will be using it until she is able to fix her own tower, or I may take it back home with me to repair and upgrade.

I miss quite a few of my friends - I have not been able to talk to them for the last week or so - we all have been so busy lately. Hopefully that will change soon.

This weekend looks to be slow and we are looking so forward to it - Reb's parents will be over to work on the basement stairs and I plan on doing some work in the office.

I found a quote I like - "Difficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping stones to greater experience" quoted by Brian Adams.

Smiles!

posted by Missy @ 10:19 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Blah today

I'm just feeling way down today and I don't know why I should feel this way - I did great yesterday at Weight Watchers...I lost 4.2 lbs!!! Almost down to my 10% goal now...and saved a lot of points too.

However, I did have physical therapy two days in a row - and it made my shoulder knot up really bad. I couldnt sleep for so long - woke up in a lot of pain at around 2 am and then was able to go back to sleep at 4 am...then about 30 mins later it knotted up again. Was able to go back to sleep at around 5 am. Had to call my boss to let her know I'd be late and also had to cancel my dentist appointment for the third time in a row. I am sooo tired of this - I just want this to be over ASAP...one way or another.

I also found out from my doctor Monday that I do have arthritis in the same shoulder, probably from old injuries in high school - and that is what makes my shoulder muscles so tense and hard. The therapist has started working on the shoulder joint itself and massaging the shoulder muscles to loosen and relax the muscles... but two days in a row? Uh huh, I don't think that was such a great idea.

It's a real downer - ate a little more at lunch than I'd liked to have done. Now I gotta be careful with my points at dinner time...*sigh*...we will see what happens.

I have been working on my swaps and have four done already - I think I have three more to go for this month and then I can get started on the birthday, occassion and Xmas cards that Ive set goals for each month for.

However, right now, I'm at work and in quite a bit of pain - I wish it would go away one way or another. It is a real big downer and I don't like the dark moods I get into sometimes when I'm in pain. The moods just bother me greatly and I have to work so hard to get out of them. I also become very quiet and withdrawn, and keep my emotions and feelings to myself.

Oh well - that's the way I am.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

posted by Missy @ 1:37 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Clean House...Big Time!!

Whew...had quite an exhausting weekend. I cleaned the bathroom - which also meant cleaning the shower doors - UGH! What a job...I have never cleaned that kind of thing before and it's amazing how much dirt and hair can build up in those creivices...no wonder why I prefer shower curtains!!!

At least the bathroom is spankin' clean...I hope.

Jen's parents were over Saturday also - they are working on the basement stairs to make a turn. There is an overhang there that makes turning the staircase necessary. It's gonna be quite a job, though. They also had to replace a sleeve seal in the toilet as it was leaking - did finish cleaning the floor after they were done.

Then I cleaned the kitchen...and got down on my knees and hands and SCRUBBED the floor...what a job it was. The tile is already in bad shape from the previous owners, and it was not a very well done job, also. At least it's clean now. Jen helped me on that one...she dried the floor after I finished scrubbing. The rags should be clean and dry by now in the dryer.

We also did around 6 to 7 loads of laundry - bedsheets and towels from the previous weekend and all the dirty clothing from the week and weekend. Finished folding them all last night. Got to iron the shirts tonight - CSI: Miami is on.

Then Satuday night, we went to the monthly ASL dinner at Rigazzi's - pretty good Italian. Five people showed up, including me and Jen. We both shared a chicken pasta with an olive oil dressing and tomatoes. It was pretty good, just a lot to eat. We still got some leftovers at home - want some? That night, we watched BIG MAMA'S HOUSE with Martin Lawrence. Pretty funny movie, and just in time for BIG MAMA'S HOUSE 2 coming up later this month.

Sunday Jen had to work - I stayed home and finished up the cleaning - dusted all the rooms, put away stuff and threw out some more boxes from the storage room. We went to Dierberg's after she got home, and bought enough food for this week. I then cooked a nice beef stew - my first attempt...not bad. We watched SKY HIGH with Kurt Russell, Lynda Carter and Kelly Preston. Not bad - silly movie. Heh heh.

Bed late - I was on the sidekick after checking the Weight Watchers website and Jen read a little bit and checked the GLBTdeaf.com forum.

This morning - yikes! I overslept and just managed to get to work only 30 mins late. I got a doctor appointment this afternoon...ugh. BDSM time again.

Cry me a river, and I'll build you a bridge.

posted by Missy @ 9:31 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

At home - thinking.

Oh boy. Am I glad to be home. It has been quite a week- getting to drive my new car and becoming familiar with it. Today is one of those days where it starts out rainy and wet, then turns into snow, then becomes sunny - sure hope it melts the snow off my car.

It's that time of the month - and it's the heavy time. I hate that...I hate the mess that comes with it. I'll be glad when it's all done...I am going to slip into a nice warm bath after I finish this post. Count on it.

The cats are all doing fine - there are times when they have to let the other cats know not to get too close and then there are times when they're so relaxed and its a pleasure during those times. Now if only we could get Blackie to settle down and act mature more often, maybe we wouldn't have to be separating cats here and there.

As for the diet - I've taken control. I've gone back to the Weight Watchers website and started being more diligent on point tracking and also measuring food and making sure it all fits. Yesterday was a good day - saved 2 points. Today, however, I lost 8 points. I had a bit of a bad time earlier this morning and ate 6 cookies and it still bothered me later when I had two granola bars smeared with Nutella hazelnut spread. *sigh* I have to stop letting little things bother me and giving myself excuses to overindulge.

However, I do feel better now that I'm being more diligent on my diet. I did note all those on the website and figured it - and I know I need to work on my emotional eating problem. I am confident that I can work on it and make it succeed for me and myself. I am confident that I can lose the weight I need to lose and feel better about myself and become healthier as a result of it.

I am going to be working with a friend online on our dieting and emotional eating problems - and I feel good that we can work together. I know it'll be hard for us at first, but it will get easier as time goes by. I do confess I have a dress selected - it is my goal weight dress. It's also going to be my cruise dress, too.

Yes, Jen and I have plunked money down and I have been paying towards the cruise cost - we are SO looking forward to taking the East Caribbean cruise in 2007. Oh yes, it is the Deaf Freedom Cruise - and yeah, we are SO EXCITED!!

My mind is just scattered - it keeps leaping and bounding on so many different subjects - it's so hard to pinpoint just one because it then jumps to another one. Sometimes I envy those who are so singleminded, they know exactly what they want and what they have to do to get what they want. Me? I know I got something going for me - my family, Jen and good friends, both in person and online. I also have a good job, and a nice roof over me and my cats. I also live with Jen, which makes me happy beyond belief.

However, there are times when I get so scared that I will lose all that - just like that. I don't know why I have these irrational moments, just that it happens once in a while that I think I'm going to lose it all. I just gotta keep going when I have those moments...and not let it bother me.

PeeWee is asleep on the bed besides me - I think she likes the sound of the keyboard clicking. I can see her ears twitch towards this sound...smiles. She's such a queen - a drama queen. I love her and also BabyCat, my little old Cowardly Lion cat. He will be 10 this year...indeed quite middleaged for a kitty cat. Lovable (Lovey) is resting on the carpet in the doorway and Blackie is on the floor near him. I can see Angel (Sleepyeyes) on the kitchen floor, quite the beautiful royalty she is. BabyCat? He's on the pillow behind me. Heh. I can feel him against my back.

Urf. I think I'm going to close up and go take my bath. I will be back on this on Monday, anyway.

Good night, sweetie.

posted by Missy @ 7:47 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

A wee bit frustrated

I have been working so hard on losing weight, and while I know I've come a long way, there are times when I think I'll never make it to my goal weight.

For example, I have been stuck within the same 10 pounds - I need to get through that plateau!!! Also, being home alone in the evenings, I get a bit bored and then I go for what I want to eat - not always good choices. I know I need to control that impulse, however, I always think I'll do better the next day...yeah, we all know what happens.

I just need to think positive during that time, and possibly go downstairs and start doing my monthly projects. I've made several goals, and a template for each month - just a way to get myself going again. That's not to say I'm not interested in being social, it's just that when I get home from work, I'm a bit tired and there are always a person or two that wants me to do stuff for them without getting compenstation in return, such as a tank of gas or maybe some help here and there.

I've been learning to say NO to quite a few people, although it is pretty hard at times...and I also need to say NO to food, too. That is even more difficult, when you have a slice of rich chocolate cake with thick chocolate frosting whispering sweet nothings in your ear...oh boy. I've also been working in my Weight Watchers member page, going through the foods I've consumed during the day, and even have started measuring food...oh boy, here we go again. It's just not easy, you know?

At least I got my Reb during the evenings and friends online during the days...and I'm usually more in control during the weekends, too.

Yesterday I went to physical therapy...some is good, some is AWFUL...like the deep tissue massage on my shoulder...oh please...the pain! UGH...I just plain HATE pain! Right now my shoulder is a bit stiff and popping a little in the joint. I also don't like the electromassage, either...it makes my muscles crawl underneath the skin...urgh.

*sob*

OH well...what can I do? Just go through it and be glad when it's all over! Even when I have to do the PT exercises every day for years to come.

I'm trying to figure out how to post pictures of the cats in my profile!!!

Smiles!

posted by Missy @ 12:46 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Great Weekend

Here's a picture of Jen trying to take my new car for herself...heh heh.

Boy - was it a great weekend..but boy, am I tired. My friend came from KC and brought her daughter (my goddaughter) Friday and I also got to pick my new car up after work that same day too...I now have a bright silver 2006 Dodge Magnum SE!!! Boy, is it NICE!!!

Saturday, we went to the Arch and my goddaughter was so...AWED. 630 feet high, bright silver all the way down from the keystone to the legs, and so shiny in the sunlight. We went up the tram to the top and looked around - we saw the new Busch Stadium being built and the old stadium is completely gone - just gone. Period.

Then we went through the Museum of Westward Expansion under the Arch - and then took off westward to the Science Center. K was so interested in so many exhibts, we were there until closing time at 4:30 pm. Then on to Petsmart, so I could get the cat food for the five furballs at home, and then to the Galleria. We had a light dinner there, and then on to the Build-A-Bear store...so that K could get her late birthday/Christmas gift. Of course, she chose the white cat, and got one Hello Kitty outfit from me, and another Hello Kitty outfit from her mother...yes, complete with shoes and slippers...*smh*.

Then on to Hazelwood Community Center, so we could catch some of the people at the baby shower there - I haven't seen many of them for about a year, maybe longer. I was surprised to see how many kids had grown - some are getting as tall as I am, and some even taller.

Onwards to Dairy Queen for a treat, and then finally home... and K just fell asleep. Well, it took her a while - she was still a bit keyed up.

Yesterday, Jen had to go to her parents' home for lunch and my parents came over to look over the new car, get a tour through the house, and measure my bedroom windows for curtains. Then I took K and her mother to the train station, waited til they left - then on to my parents' home - Mom forgot the tape measure and pad..*smh* so I dropped them off and went on to meet Jen at Bandana's for dinner and then on to Schnucks for food shopping. We were sooo glad to get back home - then stripped all the beds and remade them with clean sheets - getting a head start on USADB in April - we expect a full house.

Today - it's back to normal. The cats are back to normal, our routine is pretty much back to normal, except for my shoulder...it still hurts and stiff. Oh well. We will see what happens.

posted by Missy @ 9:33 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Back to Work

I am so excited today - I''m having a hard time concentrating on work. I finally bought my FIRST new car yesterday - a 2006 Dodge Magnum SE wagon!!! It is a bright silver car, with a dark gray interior...and I cannot just wait to pick it up Friday!

I have to wait that long in order to get the insurance squared away and the check to clear - it's PAID IN FULL, and that's what counts here.

It's gonna be a long week...

Last weekend - I spent it with my beloved Jen and we took it easy as I'm getting over a cold and she's coming down with the same cold - poor Jen.

On Saturday, we went to the dealer to check the car out, as I had figured it might be the one...altough I had been looking for a 2005 to get a better deal. Fuggedit. This car was IT. Period. Nothing else would suit me. Picked up movies at Blockbuster. Watched THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, and then we celebrated NYE at home and quietly - we kissed at midnight, and then went to bed.

Sunday - New Year's Day - Jen had to work, and I went to my parents' home to talk about the car - my parents approved of it, although Dad wanted to check to make sure there weren't any 2005 available...of course, there weren't. Then Jen and I went to Applebee's to celebrate. Back home and watched the FANTASTIC FOUR, while I sat on the floor and sorted papers that had piled up in the two months since I moved in with Jen.

Monday - we were off, so we took our time at home, and then went to meet my dad at the dealer - signed, sealed and to be delivered on Friday. Jen and I had Italian to celebrate, and back home to CHRISTMAS AT THE KRANKS, and we went through our 2005 files and closed the boxes on 2005...finally.

Now it's 2006, and I can't wait to see what the new year has in store for me and Jen - hopefully, it's a GOOD year.

I almost forgot to post a pix of the car here...oops.

Thanks to Jen who took the pix!

posted by Missy @ 12:14 PM 0 Comments Links to this post