A Mighty Struggle
I will be glad when this weekend is over and done - I have a meeting on Sunday, August 27th...something I have been fighting for so long. Now that it is to become a reality, I have gone down into the dumps as one person has promised it would get very, very, very ugly...and he has been the problem all along.
I know that it could have been taken care of a long time ago, but I will not just put up with verbal/physical abuse, threats and in general, backstabbing. I have waited so long to finally tell my side of the whole sordid story and I have just about everything copied down - just need to get one more done and hopefully, it will be all ready.
It has been hard - I have had problems with my eating disorder and mood swings throughout this whole time and I have had to try to take control of it all, and I know I haven't been doing a good job. I know I have been making excuses to myself about eating - and I really need to take a firm hand in that, start taking control of my eating habits over again. It's just frustrating to see myself backslide every time I have a problem - at least, I'm not going back to my old ways from 17 years ago...that's one thing I can be proud of.
I celebrated 17 years of drug-free years with my parents last Thursday at P.F. Chang's and I wil soon be celebrating my birthday on August 29th - no plans have been made yet. I'll be...46 years old. And I'm still in my old habitual rut - I don't seem to have learned any lessons yet. Someday I am gonna have to beat myself over the head with a 2x4, in order to drum the lessons I should have learned ages ago into my thick skull.
Oh well. Sometimes you learn a lesson, sometimes you don't learn anything, and sometimes you really mess something up.
I gotta keep my chin up.
Silver Dollar City Photo
Doug and Lynda, Reb and me...smiles.
Silver Dollar City, August 12, 2006
Silver Dollar City Weekend
Wow - what a great weekend!
Reb and had the Friday off - Deaf Awareness Day at Silver Dollar City!!! Left early Friday morning, had breakfast at the Waffle House.
Arrived in Branson, MO - early afternoon. Stopped at Peace Frogs, got two Beatles stickers from the movie, YELLOW SUBMARINE. Reb got a copy of a vintage Easy Rider poster.
Met up with Lynda and Doug, our Neb friends at Unique Impressions in Branson, MO. Got more great stuff for the cruise and two stamps...heh heh. Early dinner at the Rib Crib - not bad, finally had a Carolina sandwich...heh heh...pulled pork, cole slaw piled up on a bun, carolina mustard sauce poured all over it.
Arrived in Branso West, MO for the Econo Lodge Silver Dollar City motel - it was the DUMP. The room was hot, the bed was awful, no cable, no captioning... decided to get some ice cream, then go to the office...wotta surprise. Lynda went in first, while I was parking the car. She was open-mouthed when I came in, and the owner was giving her a piece of her mind... I came up and asked what was going on...Lynda turned to me, and said what??? So I turned to the owner, and asked what was going on - the owner gave me such an attitude, DEMANDED why I didn't inquire about the cable or captioning when I called - I told her reasonably that it was pretty much standard at all the places we've stayed, and I didn't see a need to have to ask every time. She then SLAMMED my money down, told me to look for another motel. I was like huh??? The owner then moved behind a divider, but I could see her - she DID say that she gave me my money back, she wanted me to go away. I told Lynda what the woman had said, and she then asked for her money back, and I left the office. I did wonder why it took a while longer for Lynda to get her money back - but we got our stuff out of the rooms, and left.
On arrival at Comfort Inn in Branson, we were ... agast that all the motels were full, because of a car show the same weekend. NO rooms available, but the women were soooo nice - found us another place in Ozark, MO.
Yes, we do plan to file complaints with ChoiceHotels, Econo Lodge, Expedia and Orbitz - and I plan to file a Rip Off Report. My own personal warning to you all - NEVER, NEVER RESERVE A ROOM AT ECONO LODGE SILVER DOLLAR CITY, THEY WILL RIP YOU OFF.
We finally arrived at the Ozark hotel at around 11 pm - got our rooms, fell asleep at around 12 midnight.
Up early, had a nice breakfast - then on to Silver Dollar City! After a 30 minute drive, a long wait on a busy street to SDC, we finally were able to park the car and get into the park.
It was a great time, we walked around, saw a couple shows, rode some rides, and bought some stuff...hey, how do you prove you had a great time if you don't strut your stuff that you've bought???
We also met up with some friends, hooked up with Karole and Stacie - saw my goddaughter, met more people...heh heh.
On our way out, it took us about a hour and half to arrive at Golden Corral for dinner...whew. Back to the hotel, and back to sleep.
The next day, we went to Lambert's in Ozark, MO...yummy food. Lynda and Doug thought it was great fun that the rolls were ACTUALLY thrown to the diners in the restaurant. They were also surprised it was 50% off the bill for deaf people eating there.
Home sweet home at around 530 pm - decided to take it easy and watched A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - good movie!
*snore*
Tidbits
I finally lost 6 lbs in 3 days - have been strict with myself and focusing on what I've been eating...however, I know I need to keep it up and stay focused if I want to succeed. Urgh.
Right now, my stomach is a bit upset... there are some issues I have to work through.
For example, I have three friends that owes me over $100.00 each - I don't like it when its such a large amount, especially when it causes me trouble in my bank account. One has not paid up in several years, although that person has told me over and over it will be paid back as soon as possible...when is ASAP due?
I don't mind when its less than $50.00, and it's a lot more manageable then. I try not to owe more than $40.00 and I try to pay it back off as soon as possible, or pay for other stuff, like gasoline...but $100.00? Uh huh...I'm not comfortable with that.
Now, don't get me wrong - I love my friends and I will do anything I can do to help them - just that I wish they would pay up when they say they will and not have so many excuses. It just makes me upset - cuz I have money problems of my own and I can't afford any more overdrafts in my bank account, caused by these debts.
Also, the fact is that my PeeWee is still having some difficulties getting along with other cats - this morning she went after Lovable - and that surprised me very much. as PW has no problem getting along with Lovey. Until Reb told me that Blackie had been shut in the living room closet all night - which makes me think that PW heard the noises in there, and it made her uneasy and caused her to attack the nearest cat, which was Lovey, who had been passing by on his way to me for his morning hug. I'm just glad BabyCat has no trouble with the other cats, except for a few tussles here and there with Angel.
Another thing - I don't like it when idiots get in touch with me, and expect me to be all googly-eyed over them and so estastic over them calling me...UGH... there are some people, that I just cannot stand for the life of me...UGH. I had one of those IMs from an idiot, which I had forgotten all about and had forgotten the existence of him...he was like, do you miss me? *gag*
Now he's looking for a friend of mine - which I don't think would appreciate it, especially after what happened at USADB. *rme*
Now for the money situation - I am trying SO hard to stick to a budget - and I have backslid so badly, it's gonna take me a while to recover. It makes me feel so bad, because the burden falls back on Reb to take care of the house and bills...and all I can do is buy the food and household goods while I try to pay back all that I owe again...*sigh* I really have to STAY WITHIN THE BUDGET!!!
I also feel bad for Reb because she has to pay off a bill that was caused by the AD Caucus no-shows - and I am paying her back, little by little, because it's not fair to her that she gets stuck with this bill. URGH.
I just want all to be cleared up by the end of this year - or at least mostly outta debt again by then. I need to save money for the cruise next October, and I want to have a good time without having to worry about money.
Oh well. I'll get over these issues when it's all cleared up.
TAC Woes
Maybe it's just me, or the apathy of the deaf community... but I'm not making much of a success with my TAC business. I have a hard time whipping up enthuasium among the great unwashed for The Angel Company, and now I'm forced to concede that I will have to go outside the deaf community if I want to make a go of it.
I'm just glad Jenifer is helping me out when she can - she has given me a few hints and a few suggestions - I just hope she will be happy with her decision when she gets back home. And I hope that she can help me out, show me how to make a good run of it.
I really do like TAC, and the great benefits that it offers me - just wish I knew what to do.
Sometimes I feel lost.
Im just glad I got two people that seem to be eager to buy TAC from me, and can't wait to serve them in the future. I also have to get two catalogs that were promised to two people out as soon as I can... tonight!!!
Bear with me...today is a VENT day.
Neverending work...
My job really gets me down sometimes... I have been doing time reports for now...let's see... 7 years for Washington Group, International... and I have watched the report submission steadily rise... this picture shows six month's worth... last year, the pile for the whole year was about the same.
And they wonder why I have a hard time keeping up sometimes!!!
Also, I have to do Accounts Payable for the chief accountant, PLUS the Pfizer project accounting...urgh.
And on top of all that, I am the assistant for the Human Resources manager...no wonder why I get an upset stomach sometimes. I'm just glad this week was a bit slow, and I was able to make sure every single piece of paper, every single iota of work was done.
However, there are times when the work comes in so fast, I have a hard time keeping up...and the boss is ... what do you call it? Anyway, with me, he will cut a joke and be nice to me...but with my supervisor, he can be quite ... hard on her at times. It makes me feel bad, because I know she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. She tries her best, even after we lost the Pfizer project - I'm still surprised Pfizer went with that group, even after our excellent track record and all the compliments and praise we got from the people there. Now, the take over date has been made tentative, which means our men has to stay there until the other company finally takes over...if they ever do. Meanwhile, I just hope that the men will be placed with other companies within WGI or in other good jobs, with equitable benefits.
*sigh*
Just another wonderful day.
TAC Frustrations
I am so freakin frustrated - I have been trying to build a customer base, but the deaf community is so apathetic... Ive only been able to sell or trade 4 catalogs so far, and many have not even responded to any of my emails...urgh. I understand how Jenifer feels with her SU customer base...and she's even more established than I am!!!
I FINALLY got my first customer order in four months - jayzuz.
Weekend, Weekend, Weekend...
Last weekend - we didn't go anywhere fun, we didn't go visiting friends, we didn't do anything ...
We went shopping Saturday to get stuff that we needed for the house, and some things for ourselves...
Let's see... we went to Target - laundry soap, Woolite, Bounce, and Oxyclean...
Petsmart for cat food, four bags in all... then to Bed, Bath and Beyond for a towel rack, some ice cube trays, a new mattress cover...
On to Borders :) ... got myself a couple books. Hey, I gotta read, too!
And on to Schnucks... more food for home, to Blockbuster and homeward to our cats. Ordered pizza. Watched The Pink Panther (2006) - some funny moments, but not as good as the original.
Sunday, we messed around the house - Reb cut the grass, I tided up the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, started the laundry, did odds and ends and Reb vacuumed the house... :)
Then that night, Reb shredded old documents, I did some cutting. We watched Madagascar - cute, funny movie.
That was all we did that weekend.
Boring, ain't we? heh heh.
Thinking
Sometimes I think, sometimes I think too much, sometimes I don't think enough...in some rare cases, I give myself a headache just by thinking.
There are times when I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, not really part of anything... I didn't think it would be that bad enough, but sure enough, I felt that way completely and totally at the AllDeaf Caucus... I just felt I was not part of anything...sure, I had a good time, but I could see the lines clearly drawn... oh well.
I have always been an outsider, never part of any group...often times I find myself floating in my dreams, looking down at groups, drawn close together, laughing, talking, hugging... and I'm just not there.
I feel invisible sometimes.
Oh well.
Another thing - I AM trying to make a conscious effort in losing weight... am trying to buckle down on myself. I keep finding my weight creeping back on... and then I start feeling bad again about that... and I know I tend to gain weight when I feel bad about myself.
Well, I'm saying NO this time. I have to make an effort to log on to
www.WeightWatchers.com every day and track what I have been eating, what my weight is at, and then make sure I don't eat more than I should be.
I get the feeling that I'm afraid to go below my milestone - I have not been below that for years, and I keep saying to myself that I can do it, however, I sabotage myself... by digging into food, as much as I can eat, and then I pay the price in weight gain. It's no excuse, I know, and I have to stop being afraid of what could and might happen - I have to do this for my health, self-esteem and confidence.
*sigh*
I'm still thinking...
